A Woman Grown - Three

Allura was panting as she finally stopped at her destination. She had ran hard these last few miles, half fearing over some nameless fear that prompted her to run even faster. But at last she was here. The Painted Caves were where she remembered them to be and there was where she needed to go, since there was water. The faint streaks of dawn was not far away now and the skies were lightening up.

But before she could go any futher, a voice cut through the stillness - no, it was a laugh, a hearty victorious laugh that sent shivers through her spine. She knew that laugh - it was Lotor's! Allura froze like a deer in her tracks as she looked up to where the voice had come from. She saw the Prince of Doom lounging against a tree, high upon a ridge. Evidently he had seen her arrival and Allura knew that she had been tricked. Oh, she had been so blind!

"Well, what a lovely sight to see.." Lotor's voice carried out to her.

Allura said nothing. She was going to stand her ground. If it was one thing she did have - it was her laser pistol. She would not use it yet but when he came closer she would not hesitate to.

"Now wouldn't you prefer to be my Queen with the riches of the universe heaped at your feet..." Lotor plucked a leaf off the tree. "Or perhaps you'd prefer to be a drudge with dishpan hands!"

He abruptly jumped off of the high embankment with all the litheness and gracefulness of a cat landing on it's feet. He walked over towards her slowly as if he were sure she wouldn't try to get away from him. Allura noticed the sure way in which he approached her and the old fear of him came back. Here was another who sought to control her. Allura stiffened her spine, ready to stand up to Lotor. To her discomfort, Lotor's eyes twinkled with amusement.

"My sweet.." Lotor purred. "I have come to give you one more chance to become my Queen."

"Never!" Allura's eyes flashed with anger.

"Never?" Lotor rose to her refusal with a hint of anger. "Your precious Arus is about to be destroyed by my father's fleet! Only I can prevent that - or rather, YOU can prevent that by agreeing to be my Queen and rule the universe at my side." Lotor took a hold of her arms and gripped them, wanting to shake some sense into her.

"Get away from me or I'll shoot!" Allura drew her weapon but Lotor laughed and slapped it away. It skittered quite a distance away to Allura's dismay.

"Now then.." Lotor smirked. "Maybe you'll listen to reason. Of course if you don't, I'll simply carry you off."

"The others will find me and they'll - " Allura was cut off by Lotor's short laugh.

"Realize you've left the castle? Oh perhaps. But we'll be long gone by then."

Allura's eyes flashed with anger - more anger at herself than at Lotor. She had been tricked - again because she had not trusted her own self and had believed a lie that had looked like her father. Her father would not have told her to run far away from any sort of safety or chance to fight. He would have told her to face her fears. And now - here she was between two of her greatest fears - Lotor and the comfortable trap that awaited her back at the Castle. Her arms suddenly slumped and she lowered her head, trying not to weep in frustration and anger. It didn't matter that Lotor was holding her, she was trapped any way you sliced it.

Lotor had anticipated her anger and he had expected a fight from her. But the unexpected relaxing of her muscles and her lowered head he did not expect. Something within him told him that she was feeling a great emotion, something that she did not want to show to him. Somehow this made him think of the countless times he had hid his true feelings from his father when his head was bowed and he was kneeling in front of the many steps of his throne like the worthless pawn his father thought him to be. Seeing her like this puzzled him, and his pride seemed to vanish, with curiosity and empathy taking it's place. Odd that he had never felt such things before - or perhaps it was something he hadn't allowed himself to feel in a very long time.

"Allura?" Lotor's voice came out softly and Allura could hear it in the stillness. Something about it roused her from her self-pity and anger. It was the tone of it - she had never heard that soft tone in his voice before. This made her raise her head and Lotor could see that her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"Do you know what it's like to be trapped?" Allura asked.

Lotor raised a brow but Allura ignored it, and continued to speak as if she hadn't asked him the question.

"Trapped in everyone's expectations of what you should be.." Allura seemed to stare beyond him. "I never had a chance to grow up. Oh I've seen things - horrible things, but it's like I'm not allowed to grow up and make my own decisions for better or worse. Allowed enough rope to make me believe that I am free, but I'm not. "

Her words hit home and Lotor knew that it was exactly what he had always thought. That she would think such thoughts surprised him.

"Do you know what the worst part is, Lotor? The worst part is that I let it happen. I let them humiliate me, make every rule - even after my father died. It was easy to, you know. Easy because making my own decisions hurt too much and they were older, wiser, they knew better.."

~I know more than you'll ever know, whelp!~ Zarkon's voice roared as he administered the whip to Lotor's bare back. ~Think you deserve what I worked so hard for? Ha!!~ Lotor remembered the whip punctuating his next words. ~I'll always be older, stronger and wiser than you, fool boy! YOU are but a pawn - a lowly slave to MY wishes! YOU will have NO will but MINE!!!~

Lotor shuddered as his arms went from Allura's shoulders to around her back to hold her close to stave off the chill that was seeping into his bones. To his surprise she did not resist. She leaned against his chest, seemingly forgeting who he was at the moment as she continued to speak softly.

"I make my own decisions - when they allow it - I fly the Blue Lion but I know that Coran and Nanny disapprove. The guys disapprove..I know that. But I do it for my people and for myself. It's the only freedom I have.." She sighed deeply. "I want to be free so much.."

"I do too.." Lotor breathed in the scent of her hair and sighed. Allura raised up her head and he saw that she looked surprised.

"You - want to be free? Why? You look free to me. You do whatever pleases you."

"Sometimes that is a prison in itself." Lotor's eyes met hers and for the first time Allura saw something deep and profound in them. What she saw was pain. "Not all prisons are within castle walls, Princess."

"I never knew you felt that way.." Allura looked a little unsure of him.

"I never knew I felt that way either - or maybe I did.." Lotor looked a little uncomfortable at admitting his deepest feelings. It was something he didn't do much at all. To admit his true feelings would have gotten him killed by now.

"Why do you want the universe?" Allura furrowed her brows. "Why do you - " she paused. "Want me?"

"Why are you asking these questions, my dear? A delay tactic perhaps?" Lotor gripped her tightly as if he were afraid she'd make a run for it.

"I want to know." Allura said.

~She wants to know..she wants to know - me?~ Lotor thought incredulously. Somehow he had never thought about that - or in knowing her either. Was this the way that people loved each other? He wasn't sure. Physical love he did know but -

"Lotor, please? I won't tell anyone." Allura said.

Lotor smirked and started to say something about his having absolute power over everyone but instead he said, "So that I can see my father's face.." Allura saw his eyes flash with hatred and realized that Lotor hated his father just as she had cause to.

"Yes.." Lotor went on. "See his old face twist up in fear when he realizes that *I* hold his miserable life in his hands - just as he held mine since the day I was born! I'll laugh in his face and make him beg for his life before I take it..."

"Lotor.." He felt her shrink in his arms a little and he looked down at her.

"I hate him, Allura. I hate the way he's treated me all these years, belittling me and any accomplishment I ever did. I tried to please him and then I tried to please myself, and - I - I - cannot. Try to drown it with killing, screwing, drinking, riches..and it - doesn't work..doesn't work.."

This was something Allura had never expected to see on Lotor's face - the naked truth of his feelings. He did feel things other than what had been the obvious pride and arrogance.

"Maybe you should try something new.." Allura said softly.

"What?" Lotor's voice was raspy with emotion. "Turn good? Ha!"

"I don't know.." Allura said as she gently raised a hand to his jaw. An idea had come to mind and it was something that she was very afraid of but somehow she wanted to do this for herself and perhaps for Lotor too. "You never did answer why you wanted me.." Allura felt like she was simply trying to push away the idea from her mind.

"I want you because.." Lotor thought of all the reasons that he had wanted her and out of all of them, what came out was, "You're everything I can never have.."

"I don't understand.." Allura said.

"I don't either.." Lotor said softly."I just feel - I don't know..dammit.." He scowled. What in the hell WAS he doing?

"Lotor.." She looked deep into his eyes. "I - make love to me."

She saw his eyebrows shoot up in surprise and resisted the urge to giggle.

"What?" He was surely hearing things or this was another dream from which he'd wake from, roused by his father's summons.

"I just - " Allura hesitated and then she drew herself up on tiptoe and kissed him on the lips gently. Lotor looked down at her quite dazedly as she parted from him and looked up at him expectantly.

"You've - never done that before.." Lotor felt a sense of awe and wonder.

"Please?" Allura asked.

"You - don't have to beg me.." Lotor murmured, his fingertips grazing her jaw. "I was always your slave..did you not know that?"

Allura smiled a little and Lotor kissed her wordlessly and held her as if she would vanish at any moment.

Chapter Four
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