On board the Revenge..
Lotor was in his chambers. The lights were out and the room was dark. He sat on his bed thinking, wondering...
When did it go wrong? When did life become so wrong - so confusing?
It had been so easy once. He led men into battle - entire fleets - and he conquered planets. His father did not bother him so long as he did what was expected.
He had a good time. Women were at his beck and call. Rich food and drink everywhere. He was the Crown Prince of Doom, heir to the Empire.
And then he had come to Arus, confident and assured of victory. Nothing stood in his way until he saw - her. She pulled at his heart from the very first. Oh yes, there had been physical attraction, he would not deny that, but there had been something about her. There still was even after all this time.
Why? Why!! He slammed his fist into the bed. He had no chance at her. He'd tried everything to win her and nothing worked. Nothing. It seemed that she was destined for that damned pilot, Keith. Everyone seemed to want them together. It didn't matter what he had. It didn't matter that he could give her every luxury. It didn't matter that he could give her his heart - something he never knew he had.
Perhaps he didn't deserve her.
He looked at his arm - no not an arm, but a monstrosity. Why did he keep it? There were other surgeons out there - ones who would do a better job than those Alliance butchers had done. It wouldn't matter even if he were handsome again, Allura would still fear him.
At least it was better than the pity she had for him.
He felt for the first time in a very long time tears form in his eyes. He hadn't done that since he was a small child. He had learned early that tears were a weakness. He remembered that his mother only cried in private and then very briefly. He learned to hold back his tears and become tough.
But he remembered.
Laughing. His mother and he playing hide and seek in her room. Scrambling under her bed and trying to stifle his giggles (and his sneezes) as she pretended to look for him. After awhile, she would sit on the bed and he would come out and pounce on her, giggling. She'd tickle him then and they would both laugh.
A slight smile touched his face.
He remembered a crystal perfume bottle of hers. It was empty, but she kept it for him to make rainbow prisms with. There was barely any sun on Doom, but somehow she always managed to make the dancing rainbows on her walls. Lotor had been fascinated by the pretty bright colors. His mother had said fairies lived in them and he believed her, because he wanted to believe in their bright magic. She and he used to make silly wishes on the prisms because their were no stars to make wishes upon on Doom. You could not see them through the security force field around the planet.
The only magic on Doom had been dark.
Oh, but he believed, once. Once before reality came crashing in. One day she was just gone without a trace. His father said she had left because of him, but Lotor didn't believe that. It didn't matter though. When she left, all gentleness and kindness left him.
Bah! What did he need with gentleness and kindness? Ah gods..he needed HER, and he could not - she would not.
Ah Gods..his face, his body - they were as ugly as his soul.
He felt the chill of the room surround him - or perhaps it was the chill of the metal grafted onto his body. He felt heavy, weighted. To be a child again! Light and able to run, his white hair streaming out behind him. Running not in fear but in childish delight.
He once was on a green world..his mother had taken him there. His father had not known. The sun was bright and it was warm upon his skin. The flowers were scented - the flowers on Arus reminded him of them - he ran, his mother chasing him. She wore a simple white dress. They ran and then a brief shower came. They ran under a sheltering tree. The sun came out moments later and Lotor pointed at the large rainbow that arced across the sky.
"Look Mei! The fairies made a big rainbow!"
"Yes..they did. Make a wish, my son."
"I want this day to last forever! I want to stay like this!" he childishly cried in delight.
His mother smiled sadly and hugged her son.
"They will remember, Lotor." she kissed him on the forehead and he hugged her back.
He had been four years old - a lifetime ago.
He felt slightly ill all of a sudden and leaned back on the bed. Damn the cook! Probably ate something that disagreed with him. He felt very tired suddenly and his eyes drooped a bit.
Before sleep claimed him, he swore he saw a glimmer of a rainbow..
Ch. Two
Voltron The Third Dimension Menu
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